For all the love they get, the flashy adverts, the word-of-mouth interactions and genuine health benefits – I have to say, the day I sent my smartwatch back to be repaired was unknowingly a day where I set myself free.
As someone who works in IT, I am always, always suspicious of tech and how it encroaches into our daily lives as it’s not always for the best. Little did I know this nagging little wearable was keeping me constantly annoyed and I don’t think I’ll return.
Note – this is not a dig at a particular company, I’ve tried Apple, Samsung, Garmin, Fitbit and many others in my time. I hated them all equally.
Sure, it was good, it told me my health stats like blood Oxygen saturation when I slept, how long I slept for, step count (sometimes totally inaccurate) and incoming messages and calls.
The downsides? All of the thing I just listed, as well as constantly catching on clothes and lighting up the room when trying to sleep – even on the lowest brightness setting. Everything was gamified and statistically analysed, and the irony is, it was getting in the way so much, my scores were negatively impacted through just wearing it.
I was losing the game because I had to play.
I began to hate this little thing when, out of the box, it would tell me at work to take a walk when I clearly couldn’t as I was in a meeting or (surprise) it wasn’t a suitable time for a sporadic break, guilt-tripping me into feeling like a flabby person. I turned that reminder off.
Then the health statistics mentioned above would come into play. Say I was having a bit of a panic attack (which I do take medications for), but every so often I’d get that heart flutter that would last a bit too long
*bzzz* abnormal heart function detected
So I turned that off.
The calls, texts and other notifications were endless, so I wanted to turn those off, but the phone buzzing, then my wrist was the last straw. I began to filter down notifications from certain contacts or apps, and ultimately ended up with just key contacts and apps, and that was still getting to me.
If anything it was an indictment of how short my fuse can be, or how many apps I should uninstall.
I would find myself taking it off, seeing how grimey it had got, enjoying my bare wrist for a while and after some time trying to sleep, I would end up using it as a torch to get round the bed as it was that bright, even on the lowest setting. If I tried to sleep with an arm over the duvet, the ceiling would light up, or it would get caught on a sleeve and just be a pain in the arse.
When the battery began to leak onto my wrist and clothes causing chemical burns, I sent it back to the manufacturer, and I began to think – do we really need these?
Sure, there are some people who use them for sports and fitness, and if they do then that’s fine, but for me, a desk jockey who has a number of health issues, it’s just an annoyance. A constant reminder of a strange social life and even worse health scores.
Since I sent it back to be repaired, I was told I would have to wait 3 months for the replacement model (as it was the same one).
Why it took so long I don’t know – it really annoyed me, but when I came to look at it the day after, I saw it as me breaking free of that annoyance.
My little pip-boy was actually a handcuff to being constantly harrassed and pissed off, feeling bad for only getting in a few thousand steps (as I firmly stand behind the side of “10,000 steps a day is utter rubbish” marketing) or being chronically stressed – and it was only making it worse with each nagging reminder. My wrist began to take on the form of a needy child, screaming for attention.
So back it went.
The wait began.
No more was my hand and arm turning into a vibrator.
No more was I shamed for my job and bad pain days for not moving as much as I “should” be (by all means if you are able to get outside and move, do so, but when it comes to health, when you can’t walk to the bathroom without wanting to crawl, it’s a whole other game).
No more was I looking at my wrist mid-conversation when being texted, appearing rude as if to say “wrap this up, I’m bored”.
No more waking up to a bright ceiling or a light in my face.
No more double-buzzing for 1 notification.
It just feels all so…freeing, and to be fair, it’s been 2 months and I don’t think I’ll go back. Sure, a replacement is on the way, but it may as well just live in the drawer after seeing what life is like without it.
I like the return to the old ways. When you checked your phone less often, and things weren’t constantly being interrupted by the digital handcuff.
Long live a slower, quieter life, free of charging, pinging, buzzing and random reboots.
Time to just enjoy what I do, how my heart normally beats and to be able to sleep uninterrupted where every breath was analysed.
I wish I had done it sooner.
In the words of a favourite video game antagonist –
Jay's Sandbox 
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